Parenting Issues

Today a serious problem with the Babe came to a head. He is in this phase where he has decided he doesn't want to listen to anything I say. I thought this didn't start until he was a teenager. lol. But the best way to describe his attitude is that he is apathetic towards authority. Meaning, I, being the parent, make the rules and he doesn't want to follow them so he doesn't. I don't mean that I'm making unrealistic rules, I'm just trying to get him dressed in the morning and feed 3 meals a day. He talks back like he'll tell me no, I don't want to. I thought that reasoning through things would work but it hasn't. I thought perhaps I was being too strict. So I decided to consciously pick my battle and let him do things in his own time. For example, my girlfriend told me that she wouldn't make her kids get dressed until they were ready but if they missed activites then it was their lose. So I tried that and it completely backfired. He doesn't care if he gets dressed. No, he can't go outside but oh well. So I understand that I need to change my parenting approach....but how? What should I be doing that I'm not? I hate this parenting. It's always changing. Why couldn't it just stay the same for a few minutes?

Quest for Fulfillment

I usually like to try and keep my blog positive. This post will eventually get positive....I think.

I have been struggling lately with boredom. Now before you jump all over me, hear me out. I have 2 children. The 3-year-old can entertain himself and the almost 1-year-old needs attention but not all day long. So I find lots of dull, empty hours during my day. This has led to feelings of accomplishing nothing and not having a purpose in my life. I mean how many times can you clean the house and have it dirty in 2.5 seconds before you stop cleaning it. These feelings lately are leading to me finding any excuse to spend time away from my children and almost wishing I had never had children in the first place.

I read something in Harry Potter this weekend that kind of brought all of this to a head. There is a portion that one of the greatest wizards in the books talks about a time in his past. His mother died when he was quite young and had just finished his schooling. He, being the eldest, had to take the responsibility of his younger disabled sister and brother. To make a long story short, his sister died and his brother estranged himself from the family. He talked about how sad he felt that these things happened but how relieved he was also. That he wasn't tied down anymore. That he was free to be the great wizard that he was when he told this story. That was exactly how am feeling. That my children are tying me to a life that I don't want. But of course I made the choice to have children so I have to live with it.

This comes down to my point. I can't stop the feelings that my life is moving by without me and the feelings of un-accomplishment and no purpose. But I can't get rid of the guilt of leaving my children with a sitter to raise them while I go work because I'm "bored". So I wonder how other women do it? How do you deal with the daily rigor of being a stay at home mom? I am by all means not saying I am giving up on my children. Perhaps, I just need a break? Or should I give up? Perhaps I am not cut out to be a stay at home mom? If I'm truly honest with myself, it really doesn't seem it fits with my personality. I mean I wasn't one of those loving girls who babysat and loved babies. I'm sure this too will pass but how can I continue without going crazy?

Parenting Insecurities

The Little Lady has been acting funny. She got a rash all over her body last week. I was sure it was an allergy and mentally went over anything I had given her that could have possibly caused such a rash. I cut out a few things from her diet and the rash got better. But then the next day, it was back in a milder version. It has since been only on her arms and face. Coupled with magical disappearing/reappearing rash, she has been waking up in the middle of the night a bunch of times. She is inconsolable! The only way to calm her is to feed her. She's 9 months old! She doesn't need to eat in the middle of the night...twice. So of course I am again mentally going over anything and everything it could be. Seasonal Allergies? A medicine she was taking? Food Allergies?

This brings me to my concern. Why is it that I can't trust my own instincts? I know the answer. Because I am bombarded with information from everyone else. I ask an opinion of a friend and she tells me about someone she knew who's child went into an allergic reaction where her throat swelled up after having a mild rash for a few days. Then I look on the net and find that she could have any number of scary maladies. Then I pull from my mental bank a show on t.v. By this point, my motherly instinct is completely gone and I've convinced myself that she is going to die if I don't take her to the ER right now. Which thinking rashionally (lol) now is just silly.

No, I didn't take her to the ER. I am considering taking her to the doctor in the next week but still haven't convinced myself that it's serious enough. So I'm back to square one. What did she eat? What has she touched? Which I am sure is all the doctor is going to ask me.