This family that I teach piano to has 3 students in it: the mom, and 2 daughters ages 12 and 10. The mother stays for the older girl's lesson and yesterday we had a little episode. I don't like to criticize other parents parenting styles. I just try to find things in them that I like and want to implement into my style or things I personally would like to avoid. So this story is not meant to criticize but only to learn from other's personalities. This girl sat down and played a song that she is working on on top of her regular lesson material which I call "extra goodies." After she finished, I started to give her suggestions on how to help her play it better. The girl started playing with her rings and when I finished she said, "Look I have a tan line from my ring..." and started talking about other things. I ask her if she was listening. At the end of the lesson, I was talking to her about practicing because she had practiced her "extra goodies" but not her regular material. She didn't listen to anything I said and before I finished she got up and started to walk away. Her mom said no go sit back down till she is through. So I continued and she interupted me halfway through and started talking to her mother. I said you know what we are done. The child left and I talked to the mother explaining that I don't have to deal with that kind of behavior.
After a night's sleep to cool off, I have decided a few things about this situation. As a mother, I think I would have handled the situation much differently. I would not tolerate any such disrespect to my children's teachers. As a teacher though, I have to make decisions about how lenient I am going to be on practicing, paying on time, and disrepect. In general, I would say I am pretty easy going on most things. I wasn't lecturing her on how much she needed to practice or how long, I was simply saying that she needed TO practice or she wasting my time and her mother's money. I do think that disrepect is no tolerance issue. Now I don't have any teenagers or even pre-teens who think they are teenagers so I am not an expert on their behaviors. Perhaps I am being too hard on her but I seriously considering dropping them from my studio.
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
1 Day in the Life of the Stay-at-Home Mom
By some fluke of nature, we have acquired some new married friends that have no children yet. We are ecstatic for many reasons. A. They have a pool, B. bedtime for them depends on how early they have to get up the next morning and C. Everything the babe does is "soooooo cute" (including tantrums, large messes and weird eating habits). This couple just moved in 2 weeks ago and today is his first day working at the same company the hubby works at and she doesn't start her job for another 2 weeks.
Last night, we had dinner with them and went swimming for Memorial Day. I was semi-confused when she kept asking me, "So what do you and the babe do all day?" I was confused because none of my other mommy friends ask that question. I guess it's just understood what a stay-at-home mom does. I couldn't really answer her question on the spot because I was so taken back (not to be confused with offended) that she was actually asking me this. But after much thought, I think I have come up with an answer that would suffice.
I think that what happens when you have a toddler is that everyday processes like getting dresses and eating breakfast take 5 times the amount of time that they would normally take. For example, taking a bath. The babe needs to take a bath so we (meaning me and the babe who is usually working towards the opposite goal) have to first clean a path large enough through the rubble to get into the bathroom, then I carry the toddler, who is screaming over and over again "I don't wanna take a bath!" into the bathroom, I somehow manage to get all his clothing off and pry his legs from the sides of the tub so that he is semi-submerged in the water and he remembers that he quite enjoys the bathtub! So he plays while I take a break pausing to look into the mirror (I would not recommend this step very often, it's quite shocking). We wash the babe off and let the water out which is celebrated with more screams, "I don't wanna get out of the bathtub!" After all the water is drained and my son has laid spread-eagle in the tub until he can no longer take the cold anymore, I force him to get out and get into his towel. This is the end of the bathtub experience. He is not dressed yet because that is a whole other process which takes much more time and bribing.
I am convinced that if I only had to get myself up, dressed and fed I would return to being a normal person who could get more accomplished in one day than laundry, eating 3 meals and the dishes.
Last night, we had dinner with them and went swimming for Memorial Day. I was semi-confused when she kept asking me, "So what do you and the babe do all day?" I was confused because none of my other mommy friends ask that question. I guess it's just understood what a stay-at-home mom does. I couldn't really answer her question on the spot because I was so taken back (not to be confused with offended) that she was actually asking me this. But after much thought, I think I have come up with an answer that would suffice.
I think that what happens when you have a toddler is that everyday processes like getting dresses and eating breakfast take 5 times the amount of time that they would normally take. For example, taking a bath. The babe needs to take a bath so we (meaning me and the babe who is usually working towards the opposite goal) have to first clean a path large enough through the rubble to get into the bathroom, then I carry the toddler, who is screaming over and over again "I don't wanna take a bath!" into the bathroom, I somehow manage to get all his clothing off and pry his legs from the sides of the tub so that he is semi-submerged in the water and he remembers that he quite enjoys the bathtub! So he plays while I take a break pausing to look into the mirror (I would not recommend this step very often, it's quite shocking). We wash the babe off and let the water out which is celebrated with more screams, "I don't wanna get out of the bathtub!" After all the water is drained and my son has laid spread-eagle in the tub until he can no longer take the cold anymore, I force him to get out and get into his towel. This is the end of the bathtub experience. He is not dressed yet because that is a whole other process which takes much more time and bribing.
I am convinced that if I only had to get myself up, dressed and fed I would return to being a normal person who could get more accomplished in one day than laundry, eating 3 meals and the dishes.
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Potty Training Experiment
Day 1
We are exhausted! Today was ummmmm......stressful? And we made little progress. But we sure did learn a lot! So this morning, we started by giving the babe a lot of fluid and having him drink fluids all day. This morning, he willfully drank whatever we gave him. At about noon, he hadn't gone to the bathroom at all (in his pants or the potty). So we knew he had to go but he just wouldn't. So he went a little in his pants finally and then we stopped for lunch. During lunch, he went in his pants again and there was a huge puddle all over the floor. So we know that he can hold it if he wants to because he was just holding all that fluid in. Then he took a nap after which we had our only success! During his nap, we decided to take a different approach. So I went to the store and bought sprite which he will willfully drink all day until he's sick. So we gave him tons of sprite and during the afternoon we had tons of accidents on the floor. We went to some friend's house for dinner tonight so we stopped for that too. But right before we left, I was in the bathroom with him and he was standing right next to the potty and went all over the floor. So we're wondering if he is afraid of going on the potty or why he doesn't want to go on the potty. We are going to continue tomorrow but we're not sure how. He doesn't like sitting on the potty all day but I think he still likes the process of going in the bathroom and all that. We might back off a little tomorrow and see how he does. Or maybe it would be better to just continue and see what happens. Not sure....we'll see tomorrow.
Day 2
Miday
So it's noon and well read my question at Yahoo Answers. The responses are very funny! At least, it made me laugh. We're still going.
Rest of Day
So today went worse than yesterday but we did learn a lot! I guess if nothing more this was a good learning experience. Here's what happened. This morning we gave him tons to drink. He had like 6 glasses of liquid before noon and nothing happened. He didn't go in the potty but he didn't really go in his pants. So he was just holding it and holding it. We knew he had to go because he was walking about with his legs like glued together like kids do when they have to go. But he just wouldn't. So decided to move the potty into the living room so he could watch a movie and hopefully relax enough so he'd go. He sat and watched Nemo for another hour! Still nothing. At this point, we had major meltdown. He wouldn't sit on the potty anymore and we knew that if he didn't he would have an accident. So after a few other desperate, failing attempts, we gave up. He got into the shower with me and he finally just went in the shower. Then we put a diaper on him and decided to rethink our potty training methods and try again later.
What have we learned from this experience? That he IS physically ready. He has the ability to hold it so that he doesn't go and he can make the decision that he wants to go or that he doesn't want to go. But emotionally he just doesn't want to do it. I'm not sure why but he doesn't want to go in the potty and we can't force him to. I think potty training is just where the parents create a situation where their children can succeed at going to the bathroom. For example, you take them to the potty and have them sit so they can go to the bathroom. But the choice is still theirs. For most kids, it is a cleanliness thing, that they want to go to the potty to be cleaner. The Babe has no cares about that. The hubby seems to think that he doesn't want to have the responsibility. He said that when he was potty training that he didn't want that responsibility.
What are we going to do? We are going to back off a little. Not completely. I think we'll go to more of a set schedule of times that he'll go sit on the potty. Probably after meals, before naps and bed. Then if he goes great! If he doesn't go, we'll keep trying until he does. That's really all we can do. We don't want to back off completely because he has to learn sometime but maybe the pressure was too much.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
New Eating Schedule
During our recent vacation, I noticed that the babe (aka my 2 year old son) is a very very picky eater. Now this is no surprise, I've known this for a while but during our vacation it became a problem. We were at my Aunt's house and he wouldn't eat anything that they served for meals the entire 11 days we were there. So we ended up having to buy him a box of easy mac and that's pretty much all he ate. So I came home and read a fabulous article in Parenting magazine about getting your picky eater to try new things. So it said a few of the normal things that we've tried and failed with (e.g. hiding veggies in a casserole). But it said some things that were worded or read at the right time that made sense that I'm doing now.
The first one was the American Academy of Pediatrics said, "Children will not become ill or suffer permanently if they refuse a meal or two, but parents sometimes act as though youngsters might shrivel up and die." Now i'm smart enough to realize my child isn't going to die if he misses 1 meal but sometimes we act like they will. So we become short order cooks. Thus leading me to changed #1: no more catering to my son's weird eating habits. If we're having lasagna for dinner, that's what he will eat or he won't eat.
The 2nd thing is so silly that I hardly can believe I haven't tried it before. It's simply to make them try one bite. Now this isn't to say that I haven't tried this in the past but he won't do it. If you say try one bite, he says no thanks. End of story. But now I've gotten smarter. Now it is you will eat one bite or .... (fill in the blank e.g. you'll go straight to bed or you can't get down and play).
The final straw to deciding to make these drastic changed in my son's diet was last night. It was my hubby's and my 4th year anniversary of marriage. So we went out and left the babe with one of his friend's families. Well they were having chicken and rice for dinner with honeydew. He of course wouldn't eat any of it. So I guess they kept him at the table until he at least tried a bite of everything they had served him. Finally, he did it! It's terrible that someone else should have to force feed my child and so tonight we did the same. He ate bacon for the first time! Who knew he actually eats meat!
So this week is a rough week for the babe. Not only does he have to eat meat but tomorrow starts the fast-track method for potty training! I'll post about it tomorrow.
On a side note, our playgroup split in half today! Honestly, I'm thrilled! There were some serious personality conflicts that playgroup is now going to be a positive experience again!
The first one was the American Academy of Pediatrics said, "Children will not become ill or suffer permanently if they refuse a meal or two, but parents sometimes act as though youngsters might shrivel up and die." Now i'm smart enough to realize my child isn't going to die if he misses 1 meal but sometimes we act like they will. So we become short order cooks. Thus leading me to changed #1: no more catering to my son's weird eating habits. If we're having lasagna for dinner, that's what he will eat or he won't eat.
The 2nd thing is so silly that I hardly can believe I haven't tried it before. It's simply to make them try one bite. Now this isn't to say that I haven't tried this in the past but he won't do it. If you say try one bite, he says no thanks. End of story. But now I've gotten smarter. Now it is you will eat one bite or .... (fill in the blank e.g. you'll go straight to bed or you can't get down and play).
The final straw to deciding to make these drastic changed in my son's diet was last night. It was my hubby's and my 4th year anniversary of marriage. So we went out and left the babe with one of his friend's families. Well they were having chicken and rice for dinner with honeydew. He of course wouldn't eat any of it. So I guess they kept him at the table until he at least tried a bite of everything they had served him. Finally, he did it! It's terrible that someone else should have to force feed my child and so tonight we did the same. He ate bacon for the first time! Who knew he actually eats meat!
So this week is a rough week for the babe. Not only does he have to eat meat but tomorrow starts the fast-track method for potty training! I'll post about it tomorrow.
On a side note, our playgroup split in half today! Honestly, I'm thrilled! There were some serious personality conflicts that playgroup is now going to be a positive experience again!
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Worst Haircut in the World Award
Yesterday I got the Worst Haircut in the World Award. Now I'm pretty sure there have been some bad haircuts but this one tops them all. The cut looks like the girl on the movie Swiss Family Robinson that they try to make look like a boy so the pirates would think she was a boy. It's so short that I look like a boy. I knew I was in trouble when I showed up and the lady cutting my hair had pink, black, red and purple hair that was all different lengths but mostly short. She was going on about how she thought women with short hair look "elegant" when I'm thinking, "No they look like boys." So I ask for a bob haircut and get a mens cut. I guess the fact that I'm pregnant is a bonus because your hair is supposed to grow faster while your pregnant. I usually don't like my haircut when I first get home but by the next day I usually am ok with it. Now it has been 24 hours and I still hate it.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
A Series of Unfortunate Events
Today was not my day.
It was first time that I really wanted to beat my son. Now I'm not an abusive person but boy he made me mad. At lunch, the hubby was home (thankfully). So the babe (my son) and I were in playing the piano. Well the babe got a mechanical pencil, the kind with the metal point, and repeatedly stratched my baby grand piano. I'm realatively sure he was pretending to write or something but it's still all stratched up. I told the hubby that he should probably take the babe away from me before something bad happened.
A few minutes later and calmer, I sat down to do something to take my mind off it and this gigantic spider crawls right up next to me on the couch. It was prancing, taunting me. Again, good thing the hubby was home.
As I am writing this, things took a turn for the better. The 2 1/2 year old babe went pee pee on the potty. Well he was sitting on the potty when he went pee pee all over the floor.
It was first time that I really wanted to beat my son. Now I'm not an abusive person but boy he made me mad. At lunch, the hubby was home (thankfully). So the babe (my son) and I were in playing the piano. Well the babe got a mechanical pencil, the kind with the metal point, and repeatedly stratched my baby grand piano. I'm realatively sure he was pretending to write or something but it's still all stratched up. I told the hubby that he should probably take the babe away from me before something bad happened.
A few minutes later and calmer, I sat down to do something to take my mind off it and this gigantic spider crawls right up next to me on the couch. It was prancing, taunting me. Again, good thing the hubby was home.
As I am writing this, things took a turn for the better. The 2 1/2 year old babe went pee pee on the potty. Well he was sitting on the potty when he went pee pee all over the floor.
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